The New Year is here! Every January First I feel like a grade school kid in art class who has just been presented with a big blank sheet of white paper. No matter how I messed up the last year, this is the opportunity for a fresh start. It is a chance to imagine and plan my perfect year before I put the metaphorical crayon to paper and find that my artistic talents do not in any way match my imagination.
Most of us make the obligatory New Year’s resolutions and keep few to none of them. So, the question then becomes why is it so difficult to change even when we obviously wish (at least to some extent) that something in our life was different? I find myself thinking about my desire to change in terms of the cartoon character with the little cartoon angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other. The angel in this case is the force in my life that motivates me to make a healthy change and the devil is the bad, but quite comfortable, habit that lures me back to the evil side despite my wonderful intentions.
So, from the good angel perspective, I’ll consider the motivations that have worked for me in the past. First, most major changes I’ve made I my life have come through some significant emotional event, usually traumatic and painful. To give just one example, my resolve to drink no more than two alcoholic beverages in an evening did not lead to moderate drinking, but painful experience was a much more potent motivator. It is unfortunate that one has to suffer emotional or physical pain to listen to the wise angel of one’s better self, but that often seems to be what it takes. The second way I’ve found to change is to replace a bad but comfortable habit with another that I’ve persuaded myself will be more interesting and fun. For example, I am not very motivated by the idea of exercising even though I know that I need to do so. Sitting at the computer, reading a good book or watching TV when I come home from work is more inviting. However, I am motivated to spend time chatting with friends. About five years ago, while attempting to make good on my umpteenth resolution to exercise on a daily basis, I happened to pass my neighbor’s house and casually mention that I was giving the exercise thing another go. She convinced me to walk all the way downtown with her, about three and a half miles round trip. We had a great time talking, walking and laughing, and we have been walking through the sun, rain and snow four to five times a week ever since. We have even added another friend to the fellowship, and that has made it even more fun.
Now onto the devil sitting on my other shoulder, Newton's first law states that “a body at rest remains at rest and a body in motion continues to move at a constant velocity unless acted upon by an external force.” Inertia is the biggest obstacle to change. I’m very good at convincing myself that any change will require an ENORMOUS if not INSERMOUNTABLE amount of effort. This negative self-talk has managed to derail most of my New Years resolutions before I even get started. One of the tricks I learned while studying for my counseling license was that helping people make changes is best done by getting them to set short term objectives instead of making sweeping resolutions.
The problem is that most of us want instant change and are not very satisfied by taking “baby steps”. That is why self-help groups like, AA and weight watchers are successful. The group members help us break the task into smaller steps and act as a cheering section to give us validation that we are making progress. They act as an external force helping us to overcome our inertia and change direction.
Well, I’m off to work on my New Year’s resolution. The devil of inertia is beckoning me to avoid cleaning the study by making this post a bit longer. She’s telling me to look around at the mess and telling me that dealing with it is an impossible task. The angel is suggesting that I start with just cleaning off one shelf of the bookcase that is stacked high with papers I need to file or pitch. Anyone want to join a self-help group for the organizationally challenged?
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